I drove by our old apartment today. Someone is renting it. I saw a surfboard leaning up against the window, so I guess its okay, since they are probably cool. I don't know why it bothered me so much to see that someone else had moved in. Maybe because it was the last place we shared together; the place where you died. To think that I will be living alone from this point forward makes no sense to me. Its like I am moving backwards in life. I am completely lost without you. You were my compass.
Today I took Max to the dog beach. He played and swam until he had swallowed so much sea water he was throwing up. When we got home I started running his bath water, and guess what?! He jumped right in, on his own! Oh, I wanted to tell you so bad! Remember how much he used to HATE baths?! He would hide when someone would turn the shower on. And today he just hopped right in, what a trip. Its moments like these that I miss you so much it pains me, literally.
Tomorrow is Pub Crawl. I can't believe this is the 8th year! Remember we went to the 2nd and 3rd together! We always had a great time, and some of my favorite memories are from those trips. It definitely wont be the same without you, although I went alone last year also, because you didn't want to go. Its different this time though.
For some reason, I keep imagining what our reunion will be like. I keep picturing myself bumping into you on the street. I visualize what you look like, what your reaction is to seeing me, and mine to yours. It haunts me. Does my subconscious think you aren't dead? Am I stuck in this daydream? Its like my mind somehow thinks you are just wandering around Seal Beach, looking for me. I know its not true, but I wish it was.
Love Always,
your babygirl~
our first pub crawl ♥
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