The past few weeks have been so busy. Can you believe it's already July and the year is already half over? It's been 5 months since you died. It feels like forever. I replay that day I found you over and over in my head. Will that ever go away?
Austin was good. The trip was a lot better than I could have expected, even though I had to fight the urge to keep calling you and tell you about stuff. I can't believe it has been almost 3 years since we moved from there. I stayed with Terra the first half of the trip and we hit the lake, floated the river, went downtown and partied. We had a good time doin what we do best - being HAM's. Sencond half of my trip I stayed with the Bighearts. We went to all our favorite Tex-Mex restaurants, the Alamo, and my last night, they made ham dinner. Everyone from the neighborhood came, and some softball peeps. It was so awesome. I wished you could have been there to enjoy it with us, but I know you were there in spirit. Earlier that day, Jen, Lance and I took some of your ashes and scattered them on Lake Austin. They shimmered and glistened in the water as the current took you downstream. It was really very beautiful. Now you will never have to miss the lake again babe.
The 4th of July weekend was pretty good. Desi & Matt came here with Murphy and stayed here at my mom's. We hung out at the beach a lot, and made some awesome dinners. 4th of July we made your favorite - Alaskan king crab legs. I remember how you would always crack mine for me, and pull out the meat for me so I could eat, before you even touched your own. You were so good to me. Matt had bought some illegal fireworks in Pahrump, and we tried setting them off, but we couldn't find a place where they weren't prohibited. The actual 4th was pretty hard. Dez & Matt left and I was alone, and made plans to go out, but everyone flaked. Another harsh reality check of how you can't depend on others to come through when you need them. I could always count on you though. Something I guess I took for granted. Anyway, I got really emotional remembering how we used to celebrate the 4th together, doing fun stuff, and remembering 4th of July's in the past - 2009 being the most memorable. That was the best weekend ever. I ended up crying myself to sleep, missing the fireworks on purpose. I guess I don't feel right celebrating without you. Maybe I never will. I know the next few months are going to be hard too - our anniversary, your birthday, the birth of my niece, and of course the holidays. Not really looking forward to any of it, because I know I will be alone without you.
Missing you every minute of every day. This never gets any easier.
Love Always,
your babygirl~
you and Drew ~ 4th of July 2009 on Lake Travis
you & I ~ 4th of July 2009 Lake Travis
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