Sorry I didn't write yesterday. My migraines have come back. I've been getting them 2-3 times a week now, since you died. My head pounds and my heart aches. I talked to your mom a couple days ago. She went in for her biopsy last week. She won't have the results back for nearly four weeks; I pray for everything to be okay. She is completely and utterly broken by your passing. She sounds weak and looks frail. You were her only child, her only son. She said she asked you if she could come visit the weekend you died, why didn't you let her? Now she is feeling regret and guilt, as am I.
I saw you in one of my pictures from the baseball game. I knew you were there with me. Thank you for being there to watch over me.
The movers are coming tomorrow. I have managed to successfully pack up our entire apartment and most of the garage, the storage unit, and your office by myself and with a LOT of help from my family and our friends. When I say "by myself" I mean without you. I folded your clothes and put them in suitcases, as if I were packing you for a trip. I don't know what to do with your things. I gave Jason your camping gear and a lot of your other stuff that he wanted. Alfie has most of your snowboarding gear, Jake will get your surfboard. I am keeping your guitar. I will learn to play it one day, and I will try to learn that Jack Johnson song you were learning to play for me. I will play it for you one day babe. I can't believe I am moving back to Las Vegas. Without you. We planned on going back together. WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!?!?!
Max needs his nails clipped. That is your job, I don't know how to do it. Who is gonna clip the baby's nails? He misses you so much daddy.
Speaking of baby. I have been meaning to tell you. The day I found you, Desi found out she is pregnant. I am going to be an aunt. You were going to be an uncle. I was so excited to tell you! I feel like such a dick, because I am constantly sad or grumpy, while she is on cloud 9, as she should be! I want to be happy and excited for her, but its hard to be excited for a new life when all I have been focused on is your death. Ever since we were little girls, we always talked about getting pregnant at the same time, so we could go through it together and our babies would grow up together. Now that will never happen. My little niece or nephew is already being robbed, and its not even born yet. Because it will never know you. You were always so great with kids. You would have been the BEST father. If the baby is a boy, they are naming it after you. I think its a boy *fingers crossed*
Missing you~
Love Always,
your babygirl
my future niece or nephew aka "gummy bear"
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