what happened?

Dear Eric,

So today was the big moving day. It was pretty hard seeing all of our things being taken out of the apartment, one by one, until it was completely empty. I wish I didn't have to move right now. I know our lease was up anyway and we were planning on moving back to Las Vegas soon, but I was not prepared to do all of this alone. I have no energy, even though I sleep a lot lately. JP was so kind to facilitate this entire move and not even charge me for it. Your friends care about you more than I think you knew. When I was speaking at your memorial, I glanced up at one point and noticed that every single seat in the room (all 150 of them!) was taken. There were people standing up in the back, and even more people peeking in from outside. I remember thinking in that moment, "wow, I wish Eric knew how many people's lives he touched in his short time here." You were LOVED. You are MISSED.

I finally brought home the blankie and pillow you were sleeping with when you died. They still smell like you.

I still have no idea what to do with your stuff. Its all packed up in boxes & bins and being taken to my mom's in Vegas. I guess I will deal with it when I am ready. Oh babe, why did this have to happen? I miss hearing your laugh. I miss seeing your smile. I wish this was all a horrible nightmare. I wish I could wake up.

I was just looking at our pics from this time last year.. We were so happy! It was spring, we just moved into our new place, we had so much fun with our friends on the beach! How did things change so much in ONE YEAR!?!? You had been so down these last few months. I wish I could have done something to help you. I just don't know what happened. What went wrong. I guess it was just too much. I hope you know how much I love you. I always will.

Love Always,
your babygirl~


a pic from one of our bonfire nights in Laguna Beach~